My experiments with truth- Part 2

Although I have never tried any damn thing out with truth, I had to keep a sober and gentle name of this composition since there is always a threat from my family reading it afterwards. And since I have heard one wise man ( I am not very sure of his wisdom since he was a friend ) saying “experience is the past tense of experiment “, I thought of doing some real good experiment of writing my experiences to honor this wise man who is never honored in his life because of his scatty behavior.

BLAST FROM THE PAST –

He had the power. Not the kind of power you can get from fame and money, but the savage type; the type of power that very few are born with and that is the power of boring others till they run away panicking of the consequence. Well, by default he still is a very good friend of mine whom I never dared to listen any day.

It was a tainted summer night with the sweet smell of a rotten rat from somewhere and the melodic chorus of crickets all around. Dogs barked lazily in the distance as if they sensed the presence of unseen evils or probably they smelled the aroma of curry of a stolen chicken. I was seriously giving tips to friends who were trying to succeed with their impossible love interests. But the fact to worry was; many of them had common love interests with same girls. The wise man came and sat near me scratching his 16 years old head and I sensed danger. Then after a long pause he said “you guys just don’t spoil your time running after girls. If you re-arrange the letters in the word Mother-in-law, they come out to Woman Hitler”. Everybody was impressed with his speech except me since I knew that he was severely scolded by the college beauty queen the previous day after passing her some good comments. Finally he said “why don’t we go hunting in the woods?” Not single person supported my cry “No” and so the hunting expedition was agreed unanimously. Since we all were quite inexperienced, the wise man took the charge of getting weapon for all of us. To satisfy our ego, that night on fire we all took the oath and that was not to take food till we catch a prey.

Finally the day came. And fortunately he also came. But with a get up which was almost similar to Cobra man from Nagraj Comics and some unusual weapons which could be thought while on a hunting. Anyways we all individually chose our weapons. I chose an axe from the total of 2 air guns, 4 axes and 3 long knifes. Then like brave soldiers we all started for the woods. At the jungle we all painted our faces with black lines obeying his instruction. I was looking horrible as I checked my face in the bike’s mirror. Forgetting that, we all entered the jungle carefully and decided not to go far inside as there was a threat of loosing direction. After going 100 meters inside the jungle, we climbed up the trees to wait for preys to arrive and also to avoid encounter with wild beasts.

God was never merciful on us for that illegal trip as it started raining breathless. After sitting wet on trees for 5/6 hours and after not seeing a single animal coming near, we all decided to pack up for the day. But again the ego in all of us never allowed us to take food without catching a prey. We did what we used to do the best. We stole 2 chickens from wise man’s uncle’s lot after his guidance and he again took the initiative of cooking it for all of us. At 1 AM at night when we started eating the food, we all discovered a new recipe for the first time. Probably it was salty chilly chicken curry or whatever, which could make a patient stable if he is having abnormally low blood pressure. But then it was hunger which never allowed us to shout a lot on him. Well, next morning I felt the sounds of carnival coming from my stomach.

THE BLAST –

It was a gloomy day. We all got the news that film actress Silk Smitha committed suicide and I was consoling a friend who was crying like a mad dog. The wise man came with a dull face and sat near me again scratching his head. As usually I kept silence as I sensed danger in his activity. Then he uttered his wise words “Why so depressed? The death of Silk Smitha is definitely a tragedy. But mourning for her would never help her soul to reach the heaven.” Everybody was damn impressed.

Then he suggested “why don’t we go for a picnic?”

My friend stopped crying and everybody was dead silent for a moment. The next moment, everybody jumped on him like a cluster of vultures on prey and the revenge of the hunting expedition was taken.

After an hour we all were sitting close and discussing about the picnic and the wise man was leading the show by giving his wired ideas.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

The Inimitable Songster…..

I was an excellent singer until some people gave me life threatening……I knew I could have become more than any MJ or Elvis, had my world been without some savage friends who always hated the artist in me……..There is a famous saying "Beyond talent lie the usual words : discipline, love and luck but, most of all endurance "........  I always knew I never had discipline, love and luck to back me but I was always confident of my singing abilities……Well…..The annual day of my college was suppose to come and pupil were seriously practicing to show their talents in front of the judges to get their due…….So I had to consult my group of intellectuals as the vocalist in me persuaded me to go through the test but without discipline, love, luck ……Perhaps because I always knew that I am a skilled professional singer but whether or not I've any talent is beside the point…...There was a long debate on which song to sing to score maximum in such a important competition……I just couldn’t choose “Hit me baby, one more time! “ as there was a serious threat of getting hit by rotten tomatoes and eggs…….So the group voted for “ Gulgulla “ song in Oriya language as there were less chances of getting into any controversy after singing it on a stage at Delhi……. But then there is a famous saying “ No competition is over without manipulating with the results “……….I was on the stage after one hour of make up to sing “ Gulgulla “ as soon as my friend announced “ we are today honored to have a famous  singer from Orissa who has said yes to us despite of his busy schedule “……..The song was a instant hit although nobody understood the meaning of it and got time to throw rotten tomatoes and eggs out of confusion…….And the competition was over as the result was manipulated in my favor……. I got the trophy but I had to sell it in Rs 500 as there was a serious demand from my friends to give them a party at the end of the day………

A person can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down……… 

 

The dexterity.......

Yesterday I got a request from a friend to write in my blog again ……..I feel the person who requested me is an intelligent one because not only I was praised but also I came to know about my enormous writing talent which I always doubted in me…….Huh……I just want to go back to my past and force my faculty listen who always used to scold the hell out of me for my innovative writing style…….I still can remember when I had written a very powerful essay about Indian Population where I had blamed the Indian men and women for their lack of power of control upon their mind……...Well…..I got two thunderous slaps in return since the teacher never believed in the logic I had put in……..My father always used to guide me saying “ failure is the success of a pillar “and so the destiny had other plans for me……..Since my logics and writings were not appreciated by our faculty, I thought of taking the alternate route to achieve success………Yeah…..I thought of writing love letters for many love aspirants who were classmates too………And I wrote a love letter for one of my close friend to start with………Next day we were both called by his loved and she slapped him saying me “ Nil !! Why don’t you teach your friend a bit of grammar and spelling so that he can improve his English skills “…….. Well !! “First mistake cant be the last one “ as famously said and so I never gave up……..I kept on writing as friends always believed in my writing skills which always used to create lot of controversies between the pairs……But then as it is wisely said “ a relation can only start with a conflict i.e. purposefully created “……..I was famous although I never ever created any controversy purposefully……….But again there is a famous saying “ Its all destiny and we all are playing our parts “……..And I became a writer because destiny wanted to torture the mankind utilizing my talent.......So I have no complains.......

If aliens are looking for intelligent lives, we brave humans should not get scared.........

The Lost......

I was sitting in my cabin and probably listening to JLO…….. My cell rang…..My Boss was in a mood to talk to me…….He said “ since you are working hard, I am thinking to assign you for a area mapping which was once done before 7 years”……. I was thrilled to know the confidence the Boss had in me……. I felt proud until my Boss declared the name of the area and hung dawn……. I then cursed my Boss since he had assigned me for the worst area of my career in Chambal…….But there is a famous saying “ If you can’t kill a snake then its always wise to spend some money in purchasing milk “……. I had to start my tour…….Crap…..I again had to a listen to “ Saat samunder paar “ as it was a 7 hours drive……Fortunately I reached the place where my Boss had instructed me to reach……I checked in the resort where the Manager was uttering impossible words to understand although he was speaking in hindi……When I enquired he answered me that he had lost all his teeth after eating a jungli fruit in childhood……The area was just inside a dense forest and I was quite excited to as I foresaw fine holidays ahead……Next morning I woke up at 6 AM although I never use to do that and ordered my breakfast…….Huh….I got my order served at 12 AM…… I ate and slept as it was too risky to go out in a typical village of Chambal Vally……In the afternoon I decided to play cricket with local guys and joined one team…….I cracked some good strokes but got abused by some local children as I won the game against them…….Than it was night……I heard many wild animals roaring and I pretended to sleep…… It was a nice experience till a villager offered me some jungli fruits……Crap....Then and there I decided to rush back as I was too scared to be toothless in future……..Life has been so wonderful to me till date and I would love to die one fine day saying “ Life had been so wonderful “ …..

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Ending In Ice......

I never wanted to leave the place where I was once born…. Because free food and affection that too free of cost is so rare now-a-days…… Hats off to my parents who never stopped all those despite of having a scatty son in me……I was then 18 years old and had just completed my graduation…….It was decided by my family that since I was not that civilized, Delhi would be the ideal place for me for my further studies…I was at station with tears in my eyes and the entire family with all my bro-in-laws were probably there to say “ please for heaven’s shake don’t come back again “……But then probably their goodness didn’t allowed them to say so……I with a depressed mood, accompanied by a scary looking colleague of my bro-in-law stepped into the train…..I stopped crying when I saw a beautiful girl in my bogie…….My bro-in-law’s colleague dropped me at my college’s co-stay hostel but saw many couples sitting in the garden……Crap……That Hitler told that to my sister……Within 7 days, I was shifted to a private house with two room partners with me……Huh……Somehow life began once again after such a frustrating start…… Eventually I came to know that both my roomies were desperately after my house owner’s beautiful daughter who used to smoke when her parents were away …… Well…As a consultant I got the opportunity to consult my first two clients at Delhi……But my clients were always shown red eyes whenever they delivered the filmy dialogues to attract her attention …….Crap….Now it was time to protect my image as a good consultant…..And so I had to think despite of my sister’s warning who once suggested me never to think to come up to an idea as I was always worst at doing that……There is a famous saying “Always choose the back door if someone has slammed the front door on your face”……Well….I had to do that for my clients…. Since aunty was very sympathetic to me for my incredible singing abilities, she sometimes used to call me to advice me to concentrate in my studies…… Afterwards surprisingly one day she gave me the charge of helping her daughter in Maths….. All of a sudden I became the most respected person in my flat….. My roomies started doing everything to please me …... Once again I got free food and brother hood even after staying away from home…… But the God never wanted to see me happy for long……Her marriage was fixed but I was forced to listen Jagjit Singh and Gulam Ali by my roomies as suddenly they found taste in those pakau gazals….. Both my roomies have become proud uncles of 2 naughty kids who now use to call me Masterji like their mom and dad…..

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to eat monkey’s crap.

The Bermuda Triangle....

I got a new job….I was excited….Better pay package and better work culture was there in my mind for sure…...I immediately called my sweetest sister who has got all the rights to reject any my decisions if my Jiju has gone for a party with his friends the previous night but I could convince her as Jiju was suffering from fever that time…… Well……. My Boss in my previous company gave me a farewell with my colleagues saying about my good qualities which even I never knew….Crap…..But I digested…..The only thing which attracted me to the farewell party was the gift which was to be delivered to me at the end of the party and so I tolerated those speeches given by my colleagues …… But I knew I would be missing the gems of the earth after departing from Bombay and I did……I reported my new Boss and joined Chambal ……I landed at the city and a extremely thin person welcomed me and took me to the office van……I sat in the van and the guy suddenly sang “ saat samunder paar me teri piche piche aa gai” in a girl’s tone and raced the car with a horrible speed to my hotel…..Crap….I was damn scared but I dared to sit in the van and safely reached hotel as I was quite fortunate…..I went to my office next day although I was not supposed to go there……I saw the board and went inside the office but stopped outside as few people were in meeting….I saw a old man delivering a speech on Indian politics and few young guys are listening to him as if they are attending world peace conference……I went inside and introduced myself……I later came to know that the old man was the office peon and the younger guys were my officers…..I was shocked to know in the evening that the thin man who escorted me to my hotel was my would be driver for my personal car……Well…..I still don’t allow Raj to drive my car with that “sat samunder” song on as he has a tendency to wave his hand in the air as soon as that music is on and races my car with a speed of 120km/hr..... I never forgot the famous saying “ Never allow a butcher to sing “ Jenifer Lopez “ on a stage as he may slay the entire extravaganza" ....... But the most unfortunate part is my Bhanja is a great fan of that song and he has sent me at least 4 CDs which includes that song in the menu…….

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the what Mr. Michel Jackson sings about kids…….

King Soloman's Gold Mine........

Life is never complete without adventures…..I was probably the most aggressive fellow in my group who believed in miracles as I had read “ King Solomon’s mines” …….So I decided to be the most wealthiest man, the universe had ever seen at the age of 17…….My father always used to say “ There is no short cut to success except hard work”…… So I discussed with my group of intellectuals and they advised me to start a poultry firm….. My dearest x-granny who once used to love me more than my parents for sure once advised me “ Never take advise from a person who polishes shoes because he can only advice you how to take care of your shoe but not socks which stinks at the end of the day“ Well….I have a tendency to forget and so I had to forget……..I purchased two pair of chicken of opposite gender and gave it to a friend who had space to take care of them…….My granny always used to say “ Never give a butcher to nourish a goat as he may sell it's flesh in half rate and also tell you how good the goat was “……It was the day when the epic recipe was to be cooked in the history of man kind…….Chicken banana curry…….My friends never hesitated to utilize the 4 chicken for that curry although they knew the King Solomon in me wont ever approve of it as I had the desire to burry the biggest gold mine ever the human race can think of……..Huh....But the group of intellectuals did what was expected from them………When I asked my friend about the health of the chicken after two days, he told me that they have been sent to a doctor as they were not keeping well and acted as if he is in deep sorrow……When I further querried he just disppeared to save himself from being kicked.......Granny !! I miss you like hell…….You are the one who tolerated me once who used to do all silly things with you…… Nobody came in my life who can love me like you…….U uttered the last word “ Nil “ at your death bed although I never respected you till you were alive…….

If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do , then YOU DESERVE IT.......

The Three Musketeers.....

Life was always so cruel with me as I was privileged to get few good but heroic friends in the past…..There is a famous saying “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere to find a rat”. I was never superstitious but few best fiends made me believe that finally there should be somebody to pray to who can really forgive them for their deeds….. I had to meet the black cats who crossed my path and changed my college life at Delhi……Life was always a war and the war was never over without those brave people around me….. It was a bright sunny morning and I was able to get up to prepare myself to attend my first class after skipping classes for two full days as I used to get up late as per the tradition…..I reached the college and found a short guy with a pony tailed hair cut running towards me with a smiling face and a red rose in his hand……I was quite surprised as he was wearing a very unusual costume……Well …… U can’t tell it exactly a costume as he was only wearing a red brief, a green tie on his neck but a pair of sport shoes…..Soon he was in front of me and said “ r u a new student ??” He again said when I nodded “Hey !! Its fun to run like this……Would you like to join me ????”….. "Crap !! You are looking like bloody Mogli…..I don’t want to look like Bhaloo by running with you……But why the hell are you running like a mad cow ???? “ I replied with surprise……He clarified me “ Seniors asked who would like to run wearing this costume and I raised my hand since the undie was new”…… I had found the second musketeer in him although replied “ Go to hell “ and he again continued running with a smiling face as it was more important than attending classes…..I used to call him “ Sandu “ in stead of calling him " Laal Chaddi / Chaddi " which would have attaracted a lot of public attention…..After that I went to my class room and found a very tall guy sleeping on the front row……I asked him with anger “ Who the hell are you and why the crap you are sleeping in the classroom ????“……. He suddenly got up and said “ Good night Sir….” but corrected himself immediately “ Sorry…..Good morning but you are a fresher, right ?? Actually I am a Sardar…..So I was sleeping to avoid any misfortune since its now 12PM…..” I saw the third musketeer in him, happily shared the last bench while “ Sandu “ was finishing his rounds…..He was late as he had to sing in front of a girl while offering the red rose “de de pyar de” as instructed by seniors and eventually got scolded severely by a classmate of ours…….But the formation of a strong alliance was initiated from the first day with " Commando" [ Well....I had to name him as I just didn't like people taking such a big man like him so lightly but in vain ] and "Sandu".....After 15 days we took the famous oath “One for all and all for one” and we became the inseparable friends for life like Alexandre Dumas’s famaus three epic characters…… From that day onwards the three fearless musketeers lived in us…….

The chicken came first – A Goddess would look silly sitting on an egg......

The Epic Lover.......

Today is Saint Valentine’s day who had taught us all to beleive in love but without speaking about how…..So the writer in me thought of writing about the epic lover, I have ever encountered in my life till today….I used to call him Champ as he was even too lazy to play cards with my intellectual group of friends….It was a very cruel day as I was dragged by my faculty to his office as I had scored 11 marks out of 100 in one of the subjects which was more than my scorings in other subjects in my class exam but while consulting a friend of mine…….I came out of his office after hearing all those sweet words and I had a very bad mood since he had disturbed me while I was giving my consultancy…….. I was at my room and Champ came to take my advice as he was fed up of his two year’s experience of following his would be love to everywhere without even speaking to her personally……He was a friend who never used to play cards with me but still was a good friend…….Well…..Actually it was Champ’s innocent eyes which made me think seriously to help him out of this serious situation…..There is a saying “ Never invite a tiger to your home to eat crap”…..I forgot that and spoke to Champ’s love but surprisingly she agreed to talk to Champ……If a girl can really choose Champ then no man on earth would die single as he was a boy who always beleived in passing innovative comments to girls.......It was a Valentine's day and we the group of intellectuals prepared Champ after a effort of full one hour as the same morning he had fall dawn to get swollen lips while stealing roses from Hitler’s compound for his love……It was a time to show fortitude and so I trained Champ with all kind of dialogues to impress his would be lady love……Finally the hero went to meet his would be heroine who was looking like an Goddess that particular day as Champ briefed me later…..But you can’t really train a wolf to play soccer and I realized that particular day after hearing to Champ…….His first sentence after seeing his would be love was “ Aaila…You are looking like a jhakas item today “ by mistake and so the quarrel was bound happen between them for next 15 minutes……Finally Champ returned with the stolen roses in his hand back and a pale face to look at …….My dad had once told me “ never give up till you hit the bulls eye” and so I had to assure Champ that "its not over yet"…….I again spoke to his would be love after a month but came to know from her that Champ had whistled at her best friend before a week……Huh…..When I asked Champ about that he felt so sorry by committing the blunder unknowingly that he decided to meet her to apologize……But it was the wolf in him again who denied to play soccer and he again quarreled with her instead of saying sorry when they met for the last time ……

One can train a lover to a pickpocket but can’t even think of converting a pickpocket to a lover….Because he may steal from the girl’s purse even on the first date…..